We took our first pregnancy test on September 9th, 2011. I have to admit at this point my mother's intuition was way off. I was very sure we were not pregnant. So I went for a beta HcG blood test. When it came back positive too, I was convinced it was a fluke so I drove to the hospital (the only blood lab open on Sundays) for a repeat beta. Sure enough my number doubled, almost exactly (which is the sign of a normal pregnancy) so we were pregnant. But the scaredy cat in me is always just waiting for the other shoe to drop. So while D and I were both excited by the news, we were anxiously waiting for that first ultrasound which would hopefully show us a heartbeat. (Once a heartbeat is detected the risk of miscarriage drops dramatically!)
I don't know that there is anything else in my life that has put me through the same emotional ringer as getting pregnant. It's such a miracle, you want to be thrilled. But you know the risks, and the odds of something going wrong so that fear is just a constant. It's a battle between choosing joy and fearing a devastating loss. I know that with S I couldn't say the words "I'm pregnant" I had to just tell people we had a positive pregnancy test. I've never really been superstitious but somehow I felt that if I said it, I would be counting my chickens before they hatched. Did I mention at this point that hormones have officially kicked in and I'm pretty sure every woman could be declared legally nuts during this time! It's true, just ask the nearest one!
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